Entry 1

During allied occupation

In 1945, Japan suffered devastation when two of their capital cities destroyed when allied forces denoted ‘fat man’ and ‘little boy.’ Resulting in the allied victory.  The aftermath of the bomb has changed the dynamic of the national ego and mindset. After the war, the allied force began occupying Japan (Fuller 2012 pp.9).

Figure 1: reproduced from Recommend Me Anime

Article 9 of the Japanese constitution stated that Japan to have no military force, but instead have a self-defense force. Even though the new constitution was very westernized, Frank (5th September) said that they didn’t impose the article, it is supervised by the allied.

When interviewed, Frank Fuller (5 September 2019), has stated that Article 21 of the Japanese constitution are not allowed to censor speech among its people. However, the contradiction here is any negative political press towards the occupying force in Japan, plus pornography censored.

Svoboda (2009) stated that the many rapes of Japanese women were censored to protect the service men. At the beginning of the occupation, many prostitution facilities were erected to ensure the population would protect the women from the allied men.

Figure 2 : reproduced from Wikipedia

It was in vain, as the facilities were closed down by general MacArthur due to the increase STDs among the allied soldiers. This context led to the rise of rape. There was more in other cities but was censored two weeks in by the occupation.

The US army was on Japanese soil, which leads to the widespread rape of Japanese women by the US soldiers, and Japanese civilians were unable to complain about the behavior of the occupying force.

Manga as commentary tool

During the occupation, the manga was the cheapest form of recreational commodity made available for the masses. One of the most innovative people at the time was Osamu Tezuka, the founding father of anime and manga (Fuller 2012 pp.1). Tezuka was one of many that lay witnessed to the devastation wrought upon Osaka, his place of birth.

The nuclear denotation of Hiroshima and Nagasaki gave Tezuka inspiration to create manga about the outcome of world war 2. During the period after the war, Tezuka sought to help the masses to cope with the tragedies (Fuller 2012 pp.3).

Figure 3: reproduced from Facets

In Frank’s dissertation (2012 pp.7), manga provided the perfect platform for Tezuka commentary on the war, as anime was a cheaper commodity to mass-produce. It’s easier to realize the Japanese psyche, being able to provide beautiful visual and compelling narrative drawing inspiration from the war.  

The constitution forced Tezuka to be smarter and get past censorship, which is why so many of his works use semiotic. A cleaver way to past censor using the hidden meaning, and symbolism. Tezuka’s work became the perfect widespread commodity to raise morale among the victims of war.  

Religious Elements

Considering the two main religion of Japan is Shinto and Buddhism imported from the mainland (Sharf 1993 pp.26). It makes sense to include mythical religious figureheads to better relate to the Japanese.

In many of his artworks bring up the theme of death, and rebirth, which is in line with Shinto afterlife. This theme was further explained in Coar’s thesis (2017 pp.4), which addressed the research gap about religion in Frank’s dissertation.

That mankind should not have a grim look at death, and destruction. But look at it more ethically.


Coar, T, M 2017, ‘A Study of Apocalyptic Themes in Japanese Popular Culture’, Senior Thesis, University of South Carolina, Columbia.

Fuller, F, R 2012, ‘The Atomic Bomb: Reflection in Japanese Manga and Anime’, Dissertations, Atlanta University Center, 156 Mildred st.

Fuller, F 2019, Interview, 5th September.

Svoboda, T 2009, ‘U.S Courts-Martial in Occupation Japan: Rape, Race, and Censorship, The Asia-Pacific Journal, Vol.7, Issue 21, No.1, viewed 9th September 2019,< https://apjjf.org/-Terese-Svoboda/3148/article.html>.

Entry 4

Death and Reborn into something else

Figure 1 : reproduced from Film School Rejects

In the beginning, the movie starts with an orb of light; the sphere expands and devours everything along with it. Arguments could be made that technology and globalism have the power to overtake anything it comes across. It can eliminate the old, and it can create something new, which is both terrifying and exciting at the same time.

The movie appears to have the sin of our father motif; the adults created a terrible world where the kids are now struggling to survive. The adult who conforms to the new world live in prosperity, but the cost of their culture. The delinquents rebel against the system and live by their own rule, fighting and stealing because like Killmonger said in his final words ‘Death is better than bondage’ (U MEDIA 2018). 

However, not all can be so lucky as one of the main characters, Tetsuo. He was caught in a government scheme where he was abducted and exploited the powers he received from one of the mutant kids escaped from government experiments. 

Japan in motion

Figure 2 : reproduce from Behance

Tetsuo was experimented on, and his power grew in size, literally in mear hours. Just how Japan was able to rebuild from ashes of their fallen country in 30 years, reaching its peak in the ’80s. The old Japan died and outcome a shell of its former self.

As Tetsuo gain more power, the less human he appeared. His body became part machine as he desires more power. It draws parallels to Japan’s rapid industrialization and becoming more westernized, a new reality for the Japanese.

The current state

As they fear that they will lose their cultural identity, and they weren’t wrong. If you google any major cities in Japan right now, you see images of Western-style architecture over traditional Japanese architects.

Figure 3 : reproduced from slow vegan travel

A symbol of revival for Japan was the Olympic stadium where they hosted the 1964 Olympic game. Even though Japan is prideful of its rise, but they transform into something else differently, becoming more and more Westernized (Wisecrack 2015).

The Olympic stadium wasn’t something of East Asian tradition; it was Greek (Olympic 2019). In the final battle in the movie, the stadium was in ruin. Wisecrack (2015) asserted that it symbolized rejection of Western influences, as something of Western importance was in ruin.

Similarly, a year later was a film called ‘Tetsuo: the iron man’ borrow the image of Tetsuo mutation from Akira heavily. The video from Wisecrack (2019) explains so far from another video further exploring Akira and the end of humanity as the machine takes over.

Tezuka was the first of many to spread his vision of the future through the symbolism in many of his works and inspired later artists to follow in his footsteps. Technology and nature, in this context, is humanity, should be in harmony and not let either side take over the others.

Anime has evolved a lot from its humble beginning, became a tool of evil, and finally a messenger of visionaries. Anime has and always will use western influence to illustrate how long it has been taking over and slowly fading away from its roots. The theme of technology is still very relevant in today’s anime. But how long before imagination become a reality?

Thank you for your time


Wisecrack 2015, Hidden Meaning in Akira – Earthling Cinema, YouTube, 29 August, Wisecrack, viewed 9th September 2019, <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iGnPZp6_-Q>.  

     Wisecrack 2019, How Humanity Ends (Akira, Videodrome, Tetsuo: The Iron Man) – Wisecrack edition, YouTube, 25 April, Wisecrack, viewed 9th September 2019,< https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUscjOnW97U>.  

    U MEDIA 2018, Black Panther – Killmonger Death Scene – Death Is Better than bondage – MOVIE CLIP (4K), Youtube, 27th May, U MEDIA, viewed 9th September 2019,< https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYWKmcJWz58>.

Olympic 2019, WELCOME TO THE ANCIENT OLYMPIC GAMES – HOME, Olympic, viewed 9th September 2019,< https://www.olympic.org/ancient-olympic-games>.

Entry 3

Post-war economic miracle

Figure 1: reproduced from Tumblr

Ww2 for Japan ended with a bang, wiping the slate clean, what comes after is something entirely new. Following the occupation, the constitution was ‘installed’ signifying a new beginning for Japan. After the Anpo treaty renewal, it met with a lot of opposition (Fuller 2012 pp. 14).

Japan felt discomfort being the junior partner of the US and following its foreign policy (Fuller 2012 pp.68). It was met with opposition from nationalists, fearing that they were losing their cultural identity. The old ways was seen as a hindrance to progress, thus looking down on Japanese culture, as ‘Akira’ perfectly portrayed.

Japan looks a lot different being imposed by western imperialism for generations (Fuller 2012 pp.141). A western product destroyed them and brought back to life by western investment. Following the renewal of the Anpo security treaty, Japan experienced a post-war economic miracle. Japan began to rapidly grow its economy 30 years after the war, reaching its peak in the 1980s (Fuller 2012 pp.67).

The new economic reform was thanks to a new western-inspired government and investment, and the Japanese were thankful for the economic boom as the country was damaged, and their economy broken.

Beginning of the Snatcher

Tezuka predicted Japan’s future throughout his work, and Japan spends 30 years producing technologies, becoming very tech-centric.

Frank’s dissertation (2012 pp.155) also explained that Tezuka reference technology roles in Japanese society. They are showing support for the technology as the savior of mankind to recover from all the lost in world war 2. That mankind should learn from their mistakes to preserve mother nature (Fuller 2012 pp.158). But in the midst of it all, the human race is losing sight of their humanity.

This vision is what Tezuka predicted in his work; the same technology that destroyed them can become the same technology that revives them. But there needs to be balanced, to be wary of technology taking over human life.

Figure 2 : reproduced from Giant Bomb

This reality is already happening in the 21st century in my lifetime. Tezuka was right to worry about technology and nature (which also include humans) have to be in harmony. The Bushido code is long gone, no longer serves a purpose in the 21st century, Globalism is inevitable.

Sure it’s great that Globalism has lifted nations from poverty. But the problem with Globalism is that every nation is starting to lose its cultural identity. Modern-day China had the bright idea to practice nationalism and patriotism (Elliot 2018). China isn’t closed off to global trading, but it likes to engage its term. Every nation has to do what best for its own sake.


Figure 3: reproduced from Hanime on Anime

David Cronenberg, a pioneer in the body horror genre, created a movie called Videodrome (Imdb 2019), where it envisions a future where technologies invade the human body. The creator of ‘Akira’ Katsuhiro Otomo (Imdb 2019), was one of the many creative artists who popularized the body horror genre.

The idea was adopted, drawn, and the film perfectly how technology can overtake the human body, and create something new, be it exciting or horrifying.  


Elliot, L 2018, ‘The Truth is that Trump has a point about globalization’, The Guardian, 15th December, viewed 9th September 2019,< https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/sep/26/donald-trump-globalisation-nation-state>.

Fuller, F, R 2012, ‘The Atomic Bomb: Reflection in Japanese Manga and Anime’, Dissertations, Atlanta University Center, 156 Mildred st.

Imdb 2019, Akira – movie, Imdb, viewed 9th September 2019,< https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094625/>.

Imdb 2019, Videodrome – movie, Imdb, viewed 9th September 2019, < https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086541/>.

Entry 2

Shinto and Buddhism

The Japanese belief in seeing the beauty amid chaos and destruction are part of their Shinto belief (Sharma 2015 pp.32). ‘The Japanese understand that things end for a reason, but this end is only a beginning to a new era’ (Coar 2017 pp.44). Tezuka related religious themes of both Shinto and Buddhism.

Tezuka favors the phoenix analogy a lot in his work. Shinto was the central religious theme, and the phoenix was used to supplement that theme (Sharma 2015 pp.33). . Tezuka specifically used Fenghuang Phoenix. The Fenghuang phoenix is a mythological figure in Buddhism (Potter 2005 pp. 1810). In this way, Tezuka made his work very relatable to the Japanese culture. The story of the phoenix is as old-time itself. Aviated figure perished engulfed in flames, only to rise from the ashes.

Figure 1 : reproduced from Wikipedia

Later artists were inspired and share the same vision as Tezuka’s, adopting the same theme of death and rebirth. Most notable was an anime film made by Studio Ghibli called ‘Grave of the fireflies.’

Religious reference in Grave of the fireflies

‘Grave of the fireflies’ is a semi-biography of a victim of WW2 (the big cartoon database 2019). The movie draws inspiration from his struggle with survival during the aftermath of Kobe city firebombing. 

The movie is appeared to be a neutral commentary on war is horrible, except the real meaning is quite hidden (which will be explained later on). However, at the beginning of the movie, the director wasted no time sugar-coating the audience and showcase that death was an inevitable part of the war. There are two main protagonists, Seita and Setsuko.

The movie follows as their spirit flashbacks to their struggle during the war before their impending demise. War is a horrible byproduct of the sin of our fathers, and the innocent suffered from the collateral damages.   

Figure 2 : reproduced from Movie Mezzanine

The Japanese government refuses to surrender from allied forces, ignoring the plight of their citizens. This problem is further exemplified when Seita refuses to work and contribute when their aunt adopted them.

Refusal to work and let go of his ego, Seita and his sister struggled to live on their own using their family savings. The situation got worse when Seita had to steal food from others who are suffering. Just like how Japan invade China for resources and then Southeast Asia over their lack of resources.

His action led to the death of his sister, who died of malnutrition, similarly to how the author’s sisters died in real life. Even though this movie has neutral themes with no criticism on both sides of the war, there is one clear meaning after watching the entire film.

Figure 3 : reproduced from Screen prism

Seita is the empire of Japan, and Setsuko is the Japanese civilians. Seita refusal to let go of his pride cost him Setsuko. Symbolism for ow empire refusal to surrender to the allied, resulted in the suffering of their citizens. During the interview, Frank (5th September) explains that was references to Japanese bushido moral beliefs. Loyalty and honor to death, Seita (symbol for the empire Japan) was loyal to the nation and lived by the Bushido code till the end (Sharf 1993 pp.9). 

The result, however, didn’t go so well. But there is a silver lining, the old Japan died, and a new one emerged. 


Coar, T, M 2017, ‘A Study of Apocalyptic Themes in Japanese Popular Culture’, Senior Thesis, University of South Carolina, Columbia.

Sharma, N 2015, ‘Perception of Life and Death in Japan’, journal of humanities and social science , Vol.20, Issue. 8, Ver. IV, pp. 30-42, viewed 9th September 2019, International organization of scientific research database.

Sharf, H, R 1993, ‘The Zen of Japanese Nationalism’, The University of Chicago Press Journals, Vol.33, No.1, pp. 1-43, viewed 9th September 2019, JSTOR database.

The Big Cartoon Database 2019, Grave of the Fireflies – review, The Big Cartoon Database, viewed 9th September 2019,< https://www.bcdb.com/cartoon-reviews/20738-Hotaru-no-haka.html>.

Potter, P 2005, ‘Phoenix and Fowl: Bird of a feather’, Journal of Emerging infectious diseases, Vol.11, pp.1810-1811, viewed 9th September 2019, NCBI database.

Fuller, F 2019, Interview, 5th September.

The Journey to Self-Discovery

The structure of my Anxiety

  • Introduction
  • Anxiety begins as I am reflecting
  • Falling down the dark hole of Anxiety fueled reflection
  • Rising up from the dark Anxiety hole
  • Beyond the Anxiety
  • Conclusion


Hi everyone, I’m back at it to tell you that this is going to be my last rant about autism. This is my final thoughts about how my Anxiety work while having ASD.

Anxiety Begins

Early before I was writing a skeleton of a PR research paper for my class. I honestly don’t know how to write a research paper all that well.

At the beginning of this degree, the school I’m in have this weird content management where research skill is not taught at the very beginning, and I don’t mean searching up data and making it look pretty. I mean actual method on how to review data, analyses it, and making it presentable to the general reader.

Fall into anxiety

This result in me bumbling around for two years, feeling insecure that I didn’t learn anything. I had anxiety issues that prevent me from enjoy the good things in life.

See I have this restrictive interest where I need to be very straightforward with my answer (aka references). Whatever I think about a certain topic, I like to search up information about that subject. But I search specifically that keyword about that certain subject.

Nuances tend to slip through my mind as I am searching through library databases. I never thought to stop and think about it because I get too excited about how I work fast. At first, the rules were clear to me.

Plan mile stones. Work on sections that I know best and have ideas on how to convey my knowledge. But after that, I start planning. Proceed to thinking about the deadlines etc…

All the information come rushing in, and I get extremely overwhelm. Like muscle spasm but for your brain, and your brain is also a muscle. That’s the part that gets repetitive. I overestimate the nuances on how I work but underestimate the nuances in data collection.

I have been able to overcome the repetition but burn through my energy so quickly. That’s why no amount of naps can solve all my problems.

I guess my problem here is that I indulge too much into my routine because I’m all alone in doing this.

I can’t seem to find help from other people because other people make my brain automatically tired, but I can’t stick to my routine alone.

It took me two years to fully realize that I hate communication degree. At first the degree sounded interesting. I thought that the courses were going to teach me how to communicate with other in most effective manner.

 But I see how most of the student in communication degree is quiet. Which is ironic to the degree name itself. Nobody knows how to talk to other people.

Most are very anti-social, only talks because they need something from others. It also doesn’t help that my face doesn’t have much emotion, and neither does my voice.

Rarely any ups and downs. This happens due to the fact that there’s a lack of excitement in very specific context like I mention before about socializing with most of the student I seen.

Not many can provide me the excitement I’m looking for when socializing. That’s how I feel about all these symptoms that’s a part of me when I’m out in the real world.

Rising through

I guess throughout this experience, I am figuring myself out more and more, seeing the that some of this differences that is forever part of me. But I’m getting to know myself and finding happiness in what I do with a little adjustment and help from friends in the Muay Thai community.


I just need to do more activity, do more talking and reading. I need to share some of things I like more. Because being excited about my own experience is enough. If there’s more people that share my interest the merrier.


The realization has given me more to look forward to, let’s see where it takes me and beyond.

Reproduced from: The Shirt List

A Night of Ambiguity and Fun

Socializing with ASD

  • Introduction
  • Context of what happened?
  • The need for booze to socialize
  • What happened after the context?
  • Conclusion


I got to tell you all something. Being out later than 10 is super great. Last night I was attending my Muay Thai coach birthday party. I was the first to arrive to this Bia hoi place in the middle of West lake.


There was only four people in the beginning at 7pm on July 20th, 2019. The date is proving that this isn’t BS.

We go to our table, order some beer and peanuts. Got to talking about fighting style in Muay Thai. We like to fight what can I say. Then after a while, the atmosphere got awkward.

When our conversation run dry and our glasses filled.

Everybody else except me refuse to talk to other people. Surely by now after having been in seven session with these people I would loosen up a bit more. So, let’s call this girl I know in the gym Rachel.

The need for booze

Rachel poured out her witchcraft vodka concoction and I got to drinking. I have to say the booze was sublime, and not just because she mixes lime in there with honey.

Honestly, the booze gave me the relaxion I need after being cooped up in my room for so long. It took like a couple more shot for me to realized, that my ‘social cognition’ is quite slow (Lalanne et al. 2015, p.01).

I tend to put too much standard on myself. My dad said it, my counselor advises it. It only sinks in when I’m at my most relaxed when using light alcohol.

But then again thanks to the alcohol. It’s the only thing that help me grounded in reality.

Ok back to last night. We went, or should I say I went on my first bar hoping experience ever. I can confidently say that it’s the only time I see more than one black person in one place at the same time in the party house. There’s more but they exist in dimply lit room more than out in the sunlight.


Reproduced from: Giphy.com

Unexpected situation

We’re at the place and the short girl in our group were like a moth attracted to feeling my hair like it was a barbeque at a cook out. She’s from Tennessee so this make sense.

The cigarette fume did make my hair smell like barbecue. It’s OK through, I got to touch her hair back. Her hair was soft, and I mean like down to a single strand level of soft. Like what you do. Unicorn lactated tears down you lock?

Reproduced from: me.me

In certain situation, I’m usually fit in the category of ‘Hyporeactive’ (Kaiser et al. 2016, pp. 2712). Which mean I’m quite slow to skin touch stimuli. But the way I see it, the stimuli slowly build up.

Anyway, I like touching, touching others and getting touched back. It’s not that I don’t like touching. It depends on the context. I remembered back to the philosophy forum where I was sitting the middle of the room where it’s quite crowed.

Blondie next to my right through that my right shoulder was a bar handle for the crippled. Not 10 minutes later there’s this random guy I have never seen in my life, double tapped both my shoulders from behind like we’re chums that never seen each other.

It got awkward

Where was I going with this…uhhh…oh right. After a night of partying. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that the short girl touches my hair.

So, we sit next to the lake with the group. Because I’m not a threatening person. She doesn’t mind the fact that I’m still touching her hair and smell her wrist. I noticed that it was bit uncomfortable.

Rubbing her wrist next would be the biggest implication. Thanks goodness to her being understanding that I mean no harm.

It’s ironic, I don’t like being touch out of nowhere but get touchy back in the most overly-confident way possible. That’s quite annoying to think about.


But not as annoying as my next pet peeve, putting too much standard on myself. I’ll be talking to you guys later. Now I gotta go kick a bag.


Lalanne, L, Weiner, L, Trojack, B, Berna, F & Bertschy, G, ‘Substance-use disorder in high-functioning autism: clinical and neurocognitive insight from two case reports’, BMC psychiatry journal, Vol.15, pp.149, viewed 26 July 2019, National Center of Biotechnology Information database. Kaiser, d, M, Yang, J, Y, D, Voos, C, A, Bennet, H, R, Gordon, I, Pretzsch, C, Beam, D, Keifer, C, Eilbott, J, Mcglone, F & Pelpherey, A , K, ‘Brain Mechanism for Processing Affective (and Nonaffective) Touch are Atypical in Autism’, Cereb Cortex journal, Vol.26, No.6, pp. 2705-2714, viewed 26 July 2019, National Center of Biotechnology Information database.


What’s it having ASD as a child and as an adult?

  • Introduction
  • As a child
  • As an adult
  • Needing external stimuli to socialize
  • Conclusion


Welcome back to my rant ya silly gooses. Next thing on my mind right now is socializing while on the spectrum. After dragging my mom to the hospital to help me recollect back ALL the things I did as a child to confirm my condition. The doctor asked and she answer his questions.

As a child

Back when I was a toddler in kindergarten. Yes, I can remember things that far back because it’s a physical thing that happen back then. I was a handful. But you can say that about most children.

ASD children tend to have repetitive and ritualistic behaviors that forgo social interaction in favor of that activity (Lovaas, Newsom & Hickson pp.46). Many slaps themselves, hand-flapping, and spinning. I identify with hand-flapping more. Occasionally, I find that behavior very stimulating. 

Well I’m sure that not all children stimulate themselves by waving their hand like Jonah Hill did. Just hold on to that image in your head but increase them by tenfold.

Reproduce from: Giphy.com

Anyway, I best move along with the story before I drift off again. Well actually I went off to get some water.

As a young adult

Another thing I find annoying is that I get tired around other people. I’m guess I’m what is labeled as ‘self-camouflaging’ (Hull et al. 2017 pp.2527), hiding my true self to make others feel comfortable.

It’s not that I can’t socialize, or I’m scared of people. It just so happens that being around other people tires me out. At first, I thought being alone tires me out. When I do happen to find someone to talk to, there’s two things that tires me out really fast.

One, being near people tires me out automatically.

Two, because I don’t match the energy that they currently have. I can talk to anybody but then I need to confirm the energy that we’re going to have in order to have an engaging conversation.

It’s really tiresome. My mentality and my behavior are my disadvantage. Whatever scenario it is I find myself into. It’s always the same story.

First, I image how it’s going to be. Second, I think about the nuances that come with that scenario which I think a lot about. The nuances begin to bore me, and my mind shift to different thing to think about then the cycle repeat.

Reproduced from: me.me

Oh great, now I’m overthinking about this as well. Let me just nibble on Doritos then I’ll come back to this.

Reproduced from: YouTube.com

One good thing I guess coming from this that I develop a skill to cope with it. I talk about it.

There are usually many things going on in my mind at the same time. Which is why whenever I found someone I comfortable talking to. I just talk and talk and talk. Sometime is kind of sound like ranting. But good, talking about the thing that interest you builds relationship (Uh doi).

I like the relationship I have with people that I talk to. When I get to talk more that is. Whatever interested before or at that moment. I tend to repeat it back to them. I notice that I have a default monotone voice and I don’t smile a lot.

External stimuli

Stimulating is a big part of having a conversation with other people. I tend revert back to default mode when the one-on-one conversation isn’t exciting anymore. I felt as if I can’t keep smiling and act excited when I’m not.

It felt unauthentic to me, mostly because I lack the social skill necessary to make small talk due to suppressing my impulse to talk about any topic without structures (Hull et al. 2017 pp.2525).

Hell, two years ago a girl I know asked me why I don’t smile a lot like she expects to smile out of know where. Eventually I hit her back with the ‘well that’s because I only smile when something is funny’. The students laugh, she laughs, everybody laugh. In retrospect, I find that moment to be my proudest one. The ability to laugh just by being me.


Ok, I think I said what I can about socializing. The next topic wants to talk about would be both random and relate to my condition (mostly because I can’t think about another topic right now). But when I do. It’s going to glue you to the screen.

Alrighty then, Ciao.  


Lovaas, I , Newsom, C & Hickman, C, ‘SELF_STIMULATORY BEHAVIOR AND PERCEPTUAL REINFORCEMENT’, journal of applied behavior analysis, Vol.20, No.1, pp.45-68, National Center for Biotechnology Information.

Hull, L,Petrides, K, V, Allison, C, Smith, P, Cohen, B ,S, Lai, C ,M & Mandy, W, ‘ “putting on my best normal”: social camouflaging in Adults with autism spectrum conditions’, Journal of Autism and Development Disorders, Vol.47, No.8, pp.2519-2534, National Center for Biotechnology Information.

The symptoms I notice after being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

What is autism and the symptoms?

  • Introduction
  • Distractibility symptom
  • Unhealthy Obsession symptom
  • Difficulty in making decision
  • Conclusion  



Autism spectrum disorder (ASD), is a condition that make it hard for me to socialize with others when I was younger (‘What is autism’ 2009). It’s still hard till this day. For me, this condition also came with weak attention span toward current subject.


It’s hard for me to concentrate on things I need to do and hard for me to break concentration on things I don’t want to do. Probably because I want to do them more than the task at hand.

Attention deficit is quite common among people on the spectrum. But the way I see it, it’s more like an untrained superpower. Because professor X once said ‘true focus lies between rage and serenity’, Yes, I know you’re probably thinking ‘is that a quote from X-men: first class?’. Well you’re right.

Unfortunately like every super power, Magneto had to learn how to control it for the greater good of himself (or in my case, my parent’s wallet). It’s a gift and a curse at the same time.

As I am writing this blog entry, I’m more focus on which character in the Marvel cinematic universe has the highest IQ or playing with cats in a coffee shop. It’s honestly more interesting than what I’m doing now. Talking to you guys, people whom I don’t know.

Reproduced from: puppu-meme.com

Anyway… Where was I… ah yes distractibility. The coffee shop where I frequent is quiet most of the time. However, customer talking within ear shot overload my senses. My focus has gotten better with age, but sudden noises tear my attention in pieces.

Heavy duty motorcycle engine or the annoying blender sound. People who have ASD are put on certain categories. Some of us cause self-injured themselves, others have ritualistic behavior, I fit in the overly-responsive one (Shirley M, L 2018 pp.7), which means the environment tires me out faster than other people.


ASD narrow-minded obsessive thinking are similar to one of OCD common symptom which is obsession (Jiujias, M, Kelly, E & Hall L 2017 pp.945). Obsessing over specific things can be very time consuming.

In the movie ‘X-men: first class’, magneto has quite an obsession over killing the main villain and his hatred for mankind.

Whom brought him nothing but misery. This narrow-minded obsession helps him achieve his objective, but cripple his best friend, Charles Xavier aka Professor X for life.

That’s how I feel when I’m writing this blog entry. I so obsessed with specific academic references that I can’t sleep right now. JuSt kiDdiNg I lOve DoIng tHiS.

Reproduce from: know your meme

I take much more time to complete task when I’m supposed to do something else concerning school work right now. Obsession can be good thing. I just haven’t had a grip on it, just not yet refine.

Difficulties making decision

My anxiety result in un-flexible and unhealthy thinking (Jiujias, M, Kelly, E & Hall L 2017 pp.951).

This one is a tricky one to think about because I have to decide which academic reference to choose from for a lot of my assignment in school. Is it right or just plain wrong?

Not a fun thing to do when you’re recovering from salmonella. I take decision making very personal. To the point of self-imposing unrealistic standard on myself. I get triggered when I fail. *deep breath*.

Reproduce from: tenor.com

Thankfully I’m getting better and better overtime thanks to myself and people in my life. Like Ice cube said: ‘check yourself before you wreck yourself’. Which is what the purpose of this rant is.

The more I talk about it, the more accepting of flaws I am of myself. It reduces the chance of me becoming depressed again.


This is first of a four-rant session. In the next rant session, I will reflect upon the difficulties socializing as a young adult on the spectrum in the second entry. Now…I feel enmity towards your internal organs, make hasten retreat.


Daphnemaia 2016 The point of between rage and serenity – X-men: first class (2011), video recording, 21 Jan, viewed 9 July 2019, < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHksDAB9vOo>.

Shirley M, L 2018, ‘personal meaning of restricted and repetitive behaviors among midlife adults with Asperger syndrome’, doctoral studies, Warren university, ProQuest dissertations publishing, Michigan, viewed 9 July 2019,< file:///C:/Users/folio9470%20win10/Downloads/Personal_Meanings_of_Restricte.pdf>.

Jiujias, M, Kelly, E & Hall L 2017 ‘restricted, repetitive behavior in autism spectrum disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder: a comparative review, child psychiatry & human development, Vol 48, Issue 6, pp. 944-959, viewed 9 July 2019, SpringerLink collection database.

TheAlex908 2011, Ice cube – Check yourself (Explicit Lyrics), 11 Jan, viewed 9 July 2019,< https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCY9L3Xidoo>.

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